For those of us who are Christian:
We know God is real.
We know His influences are real.
We know His presence is real.
We know His goodness is real.
The same goes for our fallen brother, Satan:
We know he, too, is real.
His influences are real.
His presence is real.
His wickedness is real.
It makes me wonder how seriously we take this truth to be and what we are willing to do to thwart Satan's work.
Many years ago, while in a very dark place, having been deceived by Satan and thinking that my life was all wrong, having been through a seemingly never ending series of personal, financial and marital trials my body seemed to give and my health crumbled.
Candida overgrowth had been a problem within my body for quite some time which lowered my immune system but after all the stress and inner turmoil my already weak immune system couldn't hold up any longer. Underlying infections that my immune system used to be able to keep under control were able to come forward; lyme disease being the greatest culprit.
I was growing weaker and weaker. I'd sit - A LOT. I'd only have enough energy to read. I did what I could to raise my young and innocent kids to the best of my ability but knew that they weren't getting the most of what I could have had to offer. I was doing all I could to figure out what was going on with my health - trying to figure out why I was dying.
One day as I sat thinking on a sofa chair in my bedroom the spirit suddenly said to me, "Do you want to live?" I was caught off guard and wasn't sure what to do. I felt that Heavenly Father was giving me a choice: to live or to die.
I had to ponder about what my answer to that question was because, quite frankly, I wasn't sure if I wanted to live.
Every day for about a year I was trying to figure out how to change my life - how to make things "right". Everything was wrong and I wasn't happy. This ate away at my health and my spirituality and now I was faced with this very direct question from Heavenly Father in the form of a reprimand and through the Spirit: did I want to live?
"Well" I thought, "what is there to live for?" Sadly, at that time in my life, I had to think about it. "What is there in my life to live for?"
My daughter.
My oldest daughter came to mind. She'd be devastated if I were to die. "Yes, that's it." I thought. I want to live for my daughter so she won't have to suffer.
Immediately my heart began to beat more rapidly and I became so weak I couldn't lift my body from that chair.
I wasn't sure what was happening but I knew something was changing. I managed to lay my heavy body on my bed and with my hands clasped over my heart I began to pray to Heavenly Father letting him know:
Yes, Heavenly Father, I want to live.
Suddenly a great mass of darkness that I couldn't see with my physical eyes but could feel with my spirit rushed upon my body. I was completely consumed by this black "beast" whose anger and fury I could clearly feel...
Because I chose to live.
Because I had just reached a turning point that loosened his grasp on me.
Because all of his relentless work on my mind and soul was suddenly a waste.
I immediately thought of Joseph Smith and the experience he had while praying to God. I knew what I had to do: keep praying. So I continued to pray. Really, the moment didn't last that long maybe a couple of minutes but while being pounced upon by such a pathetically desperate evil force, time seemed to go by very slowly.
While continuing to pray, the darkness lifted and I was free from its presence.
There's much I learned from this situation. And these are the things I'd like to share with you:
We are valuable to Satan.
Satan (or one of his followers ... whoever that black spirit was) was so upset at losing his grip on me that he burst forth out of his quiet, shadowy hiding place and pounced on a living human being.
Right after that situation I knew that Satan didn't just attack me because I'm special or important. He wants to ensnare each one of us just the same. Just like we are valuable to our Heavenly Father and He knows each one of us and is aware of our needs, Satan is right there knowing who we are too.
He doesn't care so much about our needs but he's forever present trying to turn those needs into something that will benefit him: the slow grip of his hand on one soul & one more precious spirit being taken from our Heavenly Father.
Satan wants us to be weak.
He hates it when we are strong enough to keep him from getting to us. He never stops watching us to see if/when we will weaken and he relentlessly tries to get at us anyway. AND he works on weakening us in whatever way possible.
Weakness in body? He'll take it.
Weakness in mind? Definitely.
Weakness in spirit? For sure.
Weakness in relationships, loving unconditionally, forgiving ourselves, being vulnerable, eating healthy, thinking positively? Yes, yes, yes!
Any of it. All of it. He's hungry for our weaknesses.
Satan wants us to be dead.
Just as I knew that my daughter would be devastated if I were to die - Satan is devastated (or more like, enraged) when we choose to live.
And what does "living" mean exactly? To me I see it in a few different ways...
Our physical life - do we want to physically thrive in life and be fully present?
Our time - do we kill our time by spending it being distracted? or do we feed it with meaningful things?
Our spiritual life - do we make purposeful efforts in staying spiritually strong?
Our presence on this Earth - have we accepted, fully accepted, that this is where we are at and we will give our life our all?
Our mental life - are we spending our time on menial things that deaden our mind? or do we spend time on things that sharpen and strengthen our minds?
We are valuable to Heavenly Father.
Heavenly Father could have allowed me to continue to wither away and slowly die in spirit and in body but instead He sent the spirit to me sending me a very clear message that I needed to choose between life or death - no more of this in between stuff.
He cared enough for me that He cast Satan away from me and He is continually working on me and working with me on my progress.
Heavenly Father wants us to be strong.
Though we have been sent here in a failing world, we have not been sent here to fail - and in order to keep from failing we need to be strong. Heavenly Father is continually there to offer us the strength we need as we ask for it, seek it, and take it and continue to try to improve ourselves even as we run into mistake after mistake.
Heavenly Father wants us to thrive.
In Sheri Dew's book, No One Can Take Your Place, Sheri states,
"The more we know and understand, the more useful we are to the Lord."
The Lord wants His work to go forth. He needs all the help He can get and He needs us to be the ones doing that work. We can do little if we aren't fully present in body, mind, intellect and spirit.
I, of course, am still imperfect and my journey of regaining my health has been a long and arduous one but I am grateful to a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to find me valuable, to want me to be strong and to want me to thrive in every way possible and who will help me become such as I stumble along the way until I make it back into His arms.
Both the light and dark, goodness and wickedness are ever present and will always be an option to us. And that's just what it is - an option. A daily, constant option.
Which one will we choose?
And how often will we choose, in one way or another, one or the other?
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